Update!!!

Yesssss, I probably could've come up with a more exciting title than that -- however, I am so excited to start typing again that I'm just gonna go with "Update!!!!"

This is my "new" blog site - and once I figure out how to move my previous url of http://www.outnumberedmomma.com/ to this site, I will let you know.  Ummmmm, I'll give you a heads up though, it may be a while.  Having your own website name is cheap (10 bucks a year), but very confusing!  I am hoping to move my old typepad blog posts over to  this new blogger site soon too. Ummmmm, I'll give you a heads up, it may be a while.  Exporting blog posts is great, but once again, very confusing : )

So where to begin...
My last blog post was from October 10, 2010 and it was when I came the realization that life without a nanny, doing full-time Masters, working and looking after a home was a wee bit  insanely stressful and I was in over my head. (Looking back I can honestly say WHAT was I thinking?!? I had no childcare and had 40 hours of schoolwork to do. Wasn't anyone reading my blog, you should've stopped me! Just jokin', I would not have listened!)

Finally, I realized admitted that I needed some help with the kids. I had decided to put Spencer (I don't use the kids real names) into daycare the same days that Ollie was in Kindergarten. It was good...for about 2 days. Then everyone came home from school or daycare sick and couldn't return to school or daycare. Luckily Jake was all good in school as he has built up a lovely and healthy immune system!

So needless to say, I would then be home with sick kids, trying to listen to my lectures via videoconference, and then trying to do schoolwork afterwards.


Fast forward several very stressed out weeks, and we decided to hire another nanny. 

Well, that didn't work out either. She quit before she even started.  The kids had met her and we had submitted all of her paperwork & signed a contract.  She backed out & essentially left us with NO childcare. Lovely!!   More stress!  It was actually really terrible what she did, but I'm not going to discuss the details here.  I have forgiven her, made peace & have moved on...

So, maybe you're wondering what I did without a nanny or daycare and my teaching job and full-time school....this is the exciting part....

I am STAYING home with the kids!! I'm home with them except for one day each week that I teach nursing students in the clinical setting.  I have dropped down to part-time school and I'm really enjoying it.

It took me a while to get here (four months to be exact)...and I truly believe that everything happened for a reason. 

I was super stressed, missing my kids and generally was not enjoying life with all my responsibilities and commitments. I knew in my heart that I was wearing myself too thin.

But it's hard to give up, to feel like a failure, to have a plan that didn't work out exactly as expected.
I'm trying really hard to not beat myself up over it...people make mistakes - and doing my masters full-time now certainly seems like a mistake.  But I have learned from it...learned to slow down, enjoy life, and most importantly I've learned that these years with my kids being so little are flying by.

I am loving every minute...and in the end - I still have an LOA from my job that I love, and I will go back to work in the spring (oooh but part time maybe?)
 
I'm now thankful that everything didn't work out exactly as planned, with a new nanny and full-time school, otherwise I'd still be working, studying and stressing and working even more.  They say God works in mysterious ways...but there wasn't much mystery about this - this is what I needed and what my heart wanted. 
For so long, I was fighting it. I felt like I'd done my RN diploma, then my degree, obtained my IBCLC in the summer, and the masters was the next logical step. 

Well, I say screw you logic! I have learned to listen to my heart ...
And I'm so thankful everything has worked out...my heart is happy.

Now, my days consist of playgroups and chauffeuring the kids to school, skating and hockey. Sometimes the referreeing of wrestling matches gets to me (but really, what mom doesn't it get to on somedays?)  I do occasional readings about statistical analysis in nursing...but most of the time, I'm meal-planning, grocery shopping, planning crafts, activities, playdates and FUN. 

I'm with my kids more...and when I'm with them, I'm really with them, rather than thinking about my next paper, or my next reading to complete. I am learning so much about slowing down...taking deep breaths,  and also about how to better deal with stress.
I'm going to yoga again, I am exercising again... I'm living in the moment a whole lot more now.  

I'm so happy to be blogging again....nothin' like this kind of free therapy to make my heart even happier : )
I hope this post finds your heart happy too!